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What Is Stopping You From TRUSTING?
Fear of intimacy, suspicion, vulnerability …Is that how you feel when you think about the word trust?
As a survivor of sexual trauma, trust was something that never came easy to me. I learned a warped definition of the word, at a very young age.
Understanding the authentic meaning of the word trust was definitely not a walk down the Yellow Brick Road with Dorothy and Toto. However, I am living proof that trust can happen and did for me.
I had so much pent up anger and rage inside me from childhood, I had no idea what to do with it. Sexual trauma was not dinner conversation, by any stretch. In retrospect what I found helpful was: self-forgiveness, learning and growing from each painful experience and celebrating the small milestones.
We’ve all been burned by something in our lives: a broken heart, betrayal, not getting a promotion, a failed promise and the scenarios go on. Lack of trust like fear, can paralyze you. It robs you of joy, it steals your self-confidence, creativity, and your well being. Some coping methods to deal with trust are not healthy and may arise solely out of fear.
Are you repeatedly responding to the “trust story movie” that you are the director of? Do you read into what people mean? If so…try asking clarifying questions so that you don’t step into that fear trap.
Here’s the thing…I have a relentless Unsinkable Molly Brown attitude inside me so, I never gave up trying to redefine trust. It was not going to take me down.
We all have our own way of getting to the other side of the mountain.
What I ask you to consider is replacing FEAR with LOVE, which opens the door to TRUST.
Start with love of self. If you don’t have that, you cannot give love away. Without self-love, how could you even have an ounce of trust?
This process is about baby steps. Create a mental image of easing into the shallow end of the pool first, with “swimmies” on. Try testing out the waters of trust with someone that cares about you as a person and one who has predictable behavior. I used therapy as my set of “swimmies”. It was a safe, nonjudgmental environment and I was committed to making it work.
Here’s an acronym I created for TRUST, to get you to remove the “swimmies”:
T-take a breath
R-remove the perceived barriers and realize the true reality
U-understand the intent
S-stay in the moment
T-the time is now
We all have an inner voice and survival skills that keep us going. Forgive yourself, forgive others and kick fear to the pool. Embrace your strength to swim with the current. TRUST that you have the ability, even when you make a mistake. Your past is not your future, the time is now.